Comedian Chris D’Elia combats allegations of Sexual Misconduct with a YouTube Video “Sex controlled my life” explanation😳 Let’s examine his explanation. 

Known most recently for his role as ‘Henderson’ on the popular Netflix Series “You,” D’Elia acknowledges that what may have been reported in emails and press “looks bad,” but he denies the recent allegations, claiming all of his relationships “have been consensual and legal….[and] that’s the truth.” He goes on to explain that it has been tough over the past several months to take a hard look at himself and to realize that he had and still has a “problem” with “sex controlling his life” and thinking about it (sex) all of the time. He explains that as he became more famous, it became easier to hook up with women, especially when he was on the road and after shows. All he had to do is respond to the many emails he would receive every night. He says he would tell them to come to his room for sex and he would get it, not realizing that there was potentially a power dynamic to consider. He thought he was "doing the right thing" by being open, honest and direct.

In the video, D'Elia apologizes for treating sex and his many partners too casually, for letting himself get out of control, for cheating on his girlfriend, and for the many lies he has told his fiancee and friends—all with respect to his explanation that he allowed sex to take control of his life.

Here is where his explanation gets interesting. He notes that people have been talking about “power imbalance.” You can tell watching him that he is not comfortable with the concept. All he appears to see wrong is “using his notoriety to get sex” without having to do any “extra work” for sex (his words) since the girls had “familiarity” with him (again his words). He does not see that his notoriety is powerful and is creating the imbalance in his encounters with women. According to an article published by Berkeley in 2017, men who use their notoriety/power, have two shortcomings: First, they develop empathy deficiencies and are less able to read others’ emotions and take others’ perspectives, meaning they may overestimate the sexual interest of others and think the women are more attracted to them than is actually true. Second, they behave impulsively and are more likely to violate ethics standards and behave inappropriately. 

In the video, D’Elia admits he used his notoriety for sex. That put him in a superior position of power. If a girl consented to go to his room, that did not mean she consented to have sex with him. She may have been more likely flattered by his attention and the opportunity to spend time with him. What if he invited her under false pretenses? Once she got to his room, did she express concern or reluctance with respect to having sex? Did she tell him she was not comfortable? Did she say “no” to sex? In many cases, women may be overwhelmed or caught off guard in the moment and may not be able to fend off advances that make them uncomfortable, especially if that person is in a position of power or in a position of notoriety. Many of his encounters may not have been consensual.

D’Elia is accused of soliciting nude photos from underaged girls online and exposing himself. 

What will you do today to be #beupstanding and help #changetheculture for an environment without #sexualharassment, #abuse and #racism? #TimesUp. Let’s #playnice. For more info on this topic and other related issues, check out “Play Nice - Playground Rules for Respect in the Workplace,” and join us at www.thesandboxseries.com.